Seems like it has been eons since I’ve last blogged (Thank you Mr. Sriram for igniting the fire in me to start blogging once again).

Looking back at all my past entries I cant help but feel nostalgic. To be honest, I havent the slightest idea what I was actually rambling on about in a couple of my previous posts. I guess what Ms. Peters said was quite true. It is interesting to say the least to read up on some of the stuff one has written when one was down in the gutters.

I love doing some self-reflecting though unfortunating I will not be typing out stuff which I have come to realize at this point in time. 

Okay lets get on with this and do a miniature update on the going-ons in my life. (Yippee, I’m so cool). No wait, scratch that. I just realized I do not have millions of adoring fans awaiting my new blog entry so it'd be pretty much pointless for me to do so. Most of my friends do know what I’ve been up so yeah, that is all that matters.

There is something on my mind that I do feel the desire to blog about and that is the travesty in Burma. Hopefully I’ll get down to blogging about it sooner rather than later.

Okay I swear this entry is just rubbish. It’s like flocking a dead horse (probably worse). Note to self, please make it a point to read and write more. It is so annoying (to me at least) that this entry has absolutely no flow at all. 

 http://www.shoutwire.com/viewstory/70211/Boy_Kills_1500_Pound_Monster_Pig

 Man, seriously this type of shit totally pisses me off. For fuck sake, there are so many things wrong with this whole mess. It’s a 1,500 pounds pig. How many 1,500 pounds pig has anyone actually seen in the world??? I am appalled and sick to my stomach.

Idiotic “positive comments” like this totally enrages me.

Thanks to my dear friend 'that Tze boy' (not gonna acknowledge you as a man till you ORD), I find myself blogging again. There has been plenty of stuff i have been meaning to blog about such as global warming, new earth, and rovers related news but for one reason or another I have not be able to blog about it.

Not like it has been an eventful week (unless you are the type who loves to fall sick. in that case, weee), nothing outstanding has happened. its been so mundane i've got cobwebs growing out of my ears. Though i have been meaning to go east coast one day and star gaze (or at least pretend there are some imaginary stars to gaze at). Some alone time with yours truly would suffice.

This has to be the most difficult entry as I am seriously getting a heavy dosage of writer's block. Oh hey it's going to rain. My fever's dropping though i'm still feeling tired, my bulls are down 2-0 against the pistions (damn, too many random thoughts flowing. *deep breath* focus, focus, focus....)

Alright, here's an interesting topic (drumroll)..... a change of heart.

Ok it does not relate to me BUT thru underlying and treacherous means, i shall link it all back to my own feelings (good god not again).

On a serious note, I am beginning to realize that people do have a different definition of love. Its weird but now-a-days (hate using that word, makes me feel rather old) most of the people i know can go on and on about how much they love/loved someone and how hard it is for them to move on. Then low and behold they're attached like a few days after.Granted, we are hypocrites by nature so i guess it is perfectly normal.

(disclaimer. all that i am about to compose is based on my defination of love and not aimed at any specific person in particular in case any sensitive reader puts the blame on me)

Citing from my own examples, hell i've been through three heartbreaks (again, when it comes to feelings and emotions each individuals' defination will vary) but when the words, 'I LOVE YOU' are spoken from my lips i truly mean it. It is not meant to be 'oh i love you now because we are together but if, IF we are no longer attached in the future, im sorry i take it back. i am just going to pretend we were never together and it didnt happen. tough luck. But but i love you now okay'.

Unfortunate events do take place. People break up, move on, get attach once more. Its a norm. Look, i've been in love with her for nearly two years though it was only an 8 months relationship (dont get me wrong, im not bragging about it or what. a lot of you out there are probably thinking, what a moron. cant even get over a gal). The thing is for me love is such a strong passionate feeling. Think about it, it is one of if not the strongest positive emotion one can experience through ones' journey in life. The feeling of meeting that special someone sending chills down your body, your heart beats like war drums declaring to the universe, yes i love her and all i want to do is be there for her till the end of time.

Yeah i know things between us didnt work out in the end (conflicting personalities) but the love is still there (for me, not her. as much i want to hate her for it, its her feelings, i cant change now cant i). As open and sociable as i seem to think i am, i do not open up easily. When i do let a certain someone into my heart, i genuinely believe that you are special.

This is the part where most people and i do not see eye to eye. I treasure my past relationships. i have learned to accept it but not absorb it. The happiest time of my life was with her. I learned so much about myself and how much i can actually love a person. Even though we arent together now, I am not upset (I swear i have to keep stating this). Move on people tell me, burn all e photos and erase everything single memory you have had with her, it is only going to bring you misery. Why? i mean, just because we arent together now (and no im not even fathoming being in together with her now) why should forget all the happy events that transpired? I am not going to run away from my 'past demons' but rather embrace it. Love is such a wonderful feeling, and to know that I have been able to fall madly in love with one person, the amount of love i have felt is just incredible.

Back to the topic at hand, in my honest opinion, knowing and realizing how deep love is, isnt it unfair to 'fall in love again' with another person in just a short time span, ie change of heart? Forget about being fair to the other person, what about yourself? True people do change through the course of a relationship. Waking up one day only to realize your boyfriend is acutally Satan himself or after five months of dating, it turns out you have been dating the wicked witch of the west. Always remember you did love them for who they are/were at one point or another.

It is just so sad to see how most people remember the worst of relationships and never the best moments because to remember all the good stuff only anchors you back to square one, rendering you defenseless and unable to move on.

Hey i am just blogging in regards to my perspective (ha prerogative). I am the type of person who wants a serious relationship, I am sure everyone out there is happy the way their life is progressing and their own definaiton of love. Good on ya mate. Who am i to judge. I have to admit, It would be stale if everyone were to think and feel the same way. 

Having said all that i've said, Love is a very sensitive topic, there is no right or wrong. Just like everything in life, nothing is permanent. Cheers

God i have been meaning to blog about global warming and the VT massacre but for some odd reason I always knock off while blogging about it. I still want to give my two cents worth but maybe next time when the timing is right. 

Today the focus will be on (drum roll).... yours truly (again). 

It is really funny how people do take life for granted. Human nature is so ridiculous sometimes and we are so subjected to society's norms, it is downright saddening. After remincising about the past with Sydney (note. i typed your name in full not initials) I realized that my childhood/teenage years (well the time spent in Singapore) was pretty fun. Nothing like the good ole days eh. Again, life is only as complicated as one makes it out to be. It kinda hit me that the major recollection that i have in regrads to my post secondary school days, was the aftermath with maria (it is pretty saddening to realize the bad times deeply overshadowed the good). It slipped my mind how much fun i had in Yuhua and post O'levels holidays. Oh well, shit happens but it is so refreshing to know that my past is not as gloomy as I had imagined. 

I shall stop here. Getting sort of late and my brain's falling asleep. I swear i have got to blog about something more significant next time. Another meaningless post (yay).

Just occured to me that I have not been blogging in quite some time. An eventful past few days no doubt. A rollercoaster of highs n lows. Thinking back, I do wonder to myself, why? Why was I so bothered by everything. Nothing really happened. At the end of the day I am still me and that is all that matters. My life has not been affected at all.

"The universe only presents you with a situation that you are willing to accept".

How true it is. What transpired the past few days is that knowingly I have rejected all that has occured. Thus because of that, it has clouded up my judgement and therefore doubts arosed. Too much negativity stiffed me to a point where I could hardly breath (oh god I felt so tied down and imprisoned by my emotions). I really have not been myself lately but hey, it is just the way it is. I admit i am still raw. Handling and actually dealing with my feelings and emotions is still relatively new to me. I am bound to screw up once every now and then. All that matters is the end result and that I am strong. Throw all that you have got against me. I'll take it like 'a man'.

I am not even going into further elaboration about what actually happened the past few days because as much as it has had an impact on me (well to a certain extent at least), like I mentioned above, it does not change who I am nor does it change the course of my life and my true calling, inner tranquility. Been asking myself TONS of questions lately (ok, the past two days), and through it all, I can sincerely state that from the bottom of my heart, I WANT TO BE SINGLE AND I AM HAPPY WITH THE WAY THINGS ARE. I understand that this might not make sense as I have not gone into greater details of the recent occurance but hey there is such a thing called privacy. Anyways all that really matters it that i know what I am talking about.

I have accepted (OR vigoursly trying to embrace) what the universe has in store for me. No questions asked. Whatever happens will happen. There is no reason for me to muddle and feel upset over it. Open arms, come what may.   

I love my life. I still vividly remember that conversation I had with sanjay a few months back and how I knew that as shitty and aimlessly I was feeling at that particular point in time, things were going to change. Things were going to be better. 

Full of confusion, mass hysteria, lost of identity, I hated who I was becoming. It was only during one of my test (had ample time to ponder due to lack of studying) I manage to do some self reflecting. As much as i figured my life was fine, deep down it was not. I was only lying to myself. Contrary to belief that most of my friends had, not only did it have to do with my feelings towards her, there were other issues that were bugging me. For one, my relationship with my parents was fucked up (understatement), I was doing things to escape from it all, indulging myself in things I never really wanted to do (never really enjoyed), even hanging out with people that I did not feel comfortable with, and most importantly, i really had no idea what happiness felt like anymore. I just wanted to be happy. I wanted my peace.

After sanjay came back from Australia, my life took a turn for the better. Before had left, we were so alike, faced with the same problems, immature thinking, confused about what we really wanted in life. When i met up with him that particular day, I saw this undeniable change in him. He matured. A completely different person. Curiousity ran through my mind, 'what brought about this sudden change in him' i wondered to myself. He seemed so peaceful, so calm, the complete polar opposite of what I was.

A few months later (still in awe of how the universe works), after all the soul searching, after all the keeping in tone with my body, learning to listen to it, EVERYTHING has become much better. I love myself, I love the person that i am becoming. Now I can truly say, I am in control of my own life, my own distiny, my own peace, and my own happiness. 

Though I do have to admit, there are times when I have felt slightly agitated that the some around cannot fathom what I am experiencing and going thru (I have to admit, half of what I go through and try to explain, It does not really make sense. you have to experience it for yourself). For the record, each individual do have a different approach to "moving on" (again, to each his own right). Just like anything that has everything to do with feelings such as love, anger, hatred, etc, to move on is undefined. Everyone has their own interpretations to it. Will not go furture into details here but the end result is that I AM HAPPY/CONTENT with everything in my life right now. Sure, I still have my fair share of goals and dreams but I will take care of it when the time comes (to me I do not consider that procrestinating, just do not like to stress myself out thinking about the what ifs or what nots).

There is probably no reason behind this post, not hidden agenda or meaning. Self reflection would be the key word here.

My folks were showing me this video (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7679930753346000950&q=The+Late+Sayadaw&hl=en) about the relics left behind after the cremation of  the late Mogok Nayaka Sayadaw Gyi U Gawthita. First and foremost, I was unware that monks have to be cremated, secondly I have heard my folks mention that once a ya-han-da (Not sure of the english translation) is cremated he leaves behind sacred relics but this is the first time I have actually seen a cremation video of a monk (video quality is not that grand, please bear with it if you happen to be watching it, but none-the-less kudos to technology).

Lets be a bit narcistic here, my spiritual path, my road to recovery all started with the journey (sanjay, you have my upmost gratitude for the ignition that my inner self have badly yearned, a much needed direction or some would call it, a purpose in life) which has lead me to the buddhist philosophy and some other teachings, thus whatever I have picked up, I have integrated to my own liking and comfort. Therefore please bear in mind that my knowledge of the buddhist philosophy is still relatively weak. 

What happened during the cremation on the 13th of February, 2007 was that even under intense heat, some of Sayadaw U Gawthita's bones did not turn into ash. Some of it remainded and solidified into a ball, which many considers a relic. In terms of the substance of the relic, I do know the burmese term for it but unfortunately I am unable to translate it. Parts of his skull and even astonishing-ly both of his eyes remained some what intact (one would have probably thought the eyes would be the first to incinerate. Trust me, you have to watch the video to believe it). Also another unique aspect of it was the fact that there were colorful lights radiating from the body of Sayadaw U Gawthita during the cremation itself. Again, apparently during a cremation of a ya-han-da (layman's term, the highest level that a monk can atain) all this is considered common. 

This is somewhat similar to what happened when Buddha was cremated as parts of his body still remained intact. I am not quite sure where i have read or heard about this, but atop the largest pagoda in my homeland, the shwedagon (http://www.shwedagon.org/) relics such as Buddha's hair are kept at the top). For those of us who have either burnt or try to burn someone else's hair, we all know that hair is extremely flammable (and not to mention smelly, especially if you have accidentally burnt part of your nose hair while trying to lite a cigarette). Personally for me, the thought of Buddha's hair still remaining even after cremation is mind blowing. Wonder if science can explain this rare phenomenon.

WIsh I had could have done more research into all this before blogging about it but could not help it as I found it rather interesting. Just take this entire entry as another F.Y.I.

I guess it is true what they say, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. 

On my journey to school this morning, I decided to take the train because of the light drizzle. I have noticed that ever since the new school term started, sad to say, I have been in a frantic rush. Thus, today was going to be different, it has to be, I just knew it. So i slowed down my pace, slowed down my movements, and slowed down my breathing (notice the repeatitive word). I even went to the extent of slowing down my blinking (i realize how bizzare that would sound to most people, but hey to each his own right). 

I started to notice the crisp air of which I was breathing, the inhaling and exhaling of my lungs, the wonderful vibrant colors all around me, every single little detail that my eyes feasted upon, the list goes on and on and on. It is funny how when you actually take a step back and analyze the situation regarding yourself and what has been occuring in your own life, how there are so many obervations to be made.

BAM! Everything just fell into place. Everything is so wonderful and tantalizing-ly astounding. Whatever negativity that i happened to be dwelliing upon vanished into thin air. Nothing matter. I am alive, i am a being of infinite potential and happiness, I was one with the universe. After nearly a week of being out of focus, out of my so called 'peace niche', my tranquility, I found myself back into the zone again. The joy, the peace, I could not help but smile and think to myself, life is just g r e a t. 

Everything in life is b e a u t i f u l 

Was reading the Lancashire Telegraph (http://www.lancashiretelegraph.co.uk/sport/blackburnrovers/blogs/) and i happen to come across this article/blog, 'Cup is high wide and hansen' by John Myles as he gives his insights and feelings after blackburn rovers heroic efforts in the FA cup semifinals against one of the top 4 clubs, Chelsea. Just like any Rovers fan, to say that i am proud to be a fan of the mighty blue and whites is an understatement. Apart from a lackluster first half, the lads played their hearts out only to be gutted in extra time by a late goal from Michael Ballack.

Anyways i shall not drive deeper into the match. What caught my eyes from Myles' recent blog is the fact that West Ham's victory over Arsenal a few weeks back, 'was the first time any of the big four' had lost at home to an English side other than the big four' for 14 months (co-incidentally since West Ham defeated Arsenal at Highbury)'. For those who are unaware, the big four comprises of Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool. Everybody and anybody who is a footy/soccer fan would know that usually (99% of the time) the big four make up the top four teams in the English Premier League. The gap between them and the other sixteen teams is widening. 

Yes i support what many would consider a small club (and boy do i get ridicule for it time after time) and no, I am not trying to start a debate on the whole big club vs small club bias-ness (mainly cos many out there would consider fans like me, paranoid. Endless debating, no point), but here are some interesting facts which i stumbled across-ed http://www.brfcs.co.uk/mb/index.php?showforum=4. 

Premiership champions 10years ago.

 Premiership 97-07 (3 different champions)

1997 Manchester United
1998 Arsenal
1999 Manchester United
2000 Manchester United
2001 Manchester United
2002 Arsenal
2003 Manchester United
2004 Arsenal
2005 Chelsea
2006 Chelsea

Premiership champions previous 10years ago.

Premiership/1st Division 87-97 (6 different champions)

1987 Everton
1988 Liverpool
1989 Arsenal
1990 Liverpool
1991 Arsenal
1992 Leeds
1993 Manchester United
1994 Manchester United
1995 Rovers
1996 Manchester United

To me this is staggering. With one glorious exception, since 1992, every League title has been taken by Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea or Liverpool. Hell, when Roman Abramovich took over Chelsea, even fans of the other big three clubs complained about how Chelsea bought their title. Sadly, most of the time money makes the world go round, and football is no exception. The more money you get the more you are able to dish out higher wages and attract/purchase more renowned players. In my own personal opinion (as this entire entry has been) the EPL is endanger of being a stale and boring league. Where is the fun when everyone knows who will always be occupying the top four (I do admit i am stating this with a small dose of jealousy), I would have more fun watching grass grow, or even stoop so low as to watch a bunch of white guys in the scorching heat wack a small little white balls around trying to get it inside a tiny little hole situtated in the massive, endless greens, golf (chills. someone please explain to me how that its considered a sport and not a past time). If you want to know how boring a league can become, take a good look at the Scottish Premier League which a essentially a two team league. Honestly can anybody (the majority football viewers) name two other teams besides Rangers and Celtic from the SPL? 

My solution? Easy, two words. Salary Cap. Here's a defination from wikipedia, 'In professional sports, a salary cap (often called a wage cap in the United Kingdom) is a limit on the amount of money a team can spend on player salaries, either as a per-player limit or a total limit for the team's roster (or both). Several sports leagues have made salary caps mandatory, both as a method of keeping overall costs down, and in order to balance the league so a wealthy team cannot become dominant simply by buying all the top players. 

Just use it, plain and simple. Yes, having a salary cap is pretty subjective as just like any other system implied by the FA (i could be wrong on this but i am guessing these are the people who decides what goes in the EPL) there will be pros and cons. One of the cons would be, your favourite team might not necessarily be the top dog over an extended period of time no matter how much success you accumulate and thus, your dynasty might not last as long as you would want it to. To soccer fans, especially manchester united fans (fun to single you guys out. there's so many of you out there, im starting to believe they do clone human beings) this might be hard to grasp. It is not easy trust me. Had the NBA been like the EPL my beloved Bulls would not have taken as long to climb up the power rankings after the departures of legends such as Jordan, Pippen, and Jackson. As for the pros, check out this year's cinderalla story of the Toronto Raptors (NBA) and their historic first Atlantic Division crown. From a team of obscure medicority to third in the eastern conferance. Would this be possible in the EPL i think not. 

My point is this, the salary cap will allow the smaller clubs to compete with the big four. I am so frustrated each and every year knowing the the possiblity of teams such Rovers will never get into the Champions League, let alone dare we even contemplate winning the EPL (well maybe, just maybe, our day will come when hell freezes over. Maybe). Imply the salary cap, by balancing the league the competitive nature of the EPL will once again return (and no i am not talking about the the relegation scrap or who will win the league, chelsea or manchester united, i am talking about the entire league in general). Please give fans like me something to look forward to instead of constantly putting up with the fear and paranoia of 1. being relagated 2. losing our key/best players to the major clubs (ie being used as a stepping stone) 3. a boring unproductive season 4. teased by bigger clubs fan for not being to win anything (hello, how you expect us to overachieve with the amount of finances clubs like Rovers have to work with).  

Ps. I do not expect any fans of the big four clubs to understand and sympathize with the feelings of small clubs supports such as myself.